Why Your Church Can’t Save Your Kids
By Virgil Walker | Sola Veritas
"We raised her in church."
I’ve heard that phrase more times than I can count—usually said through tears, often in the middle of heartbreak. A mother mourning a prodigal daughter. A father stunned by his son’s rejection of the faith. A family that did "everything right" and still watched their child walk away.
But here’s the truth most Christians don’t want to hear:
The Church is not responsible for discipling your kids. You are.
We have confused equipping with outsourcing. The Sunday sermon is supposed to supplement what’s happening at home, not replace it. And yet, for decades now, Christian parents have handed the baton of spiritual formation to youth pastors, Christian schools, or charismatic leaders. They check the "church box" and assume their job is done.
Then they wonder why their kids know TikTok trends better than Scripture. Why they flinch at hard truths. Why their moral compass points to self, not the Savior.
The Myth of the Discipling Church
The modern church is not designed for long-term discipleship. It’s designed for reach, relevance, and retention. Many churches operate more like spiritual entertainment centers than equipping hubs.
We’ve got fog machines, emotional music, and ten-minute devotionals with TED Talk energy. What we don’t have is fathers reading Scripture at the dinner table, moms teaching theology in the carpool lane, or families praying over the headlines together.
And no, your child’s 90 minutes in a youth group will not undo the 40 hours they spend each week being discipled by their school, their phone, and their peers.
God’s Design: Parents First, Pastors Second
Deuteronomy 6 couldn’t be clearer.
"You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise."
Discipleship begins at home. That’s not a suggestion—it’s a command.
Paul echoes it in Ephesians 6:4:
"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."
The local church is essential. It’s the gathered body of believers, the pillar and buttress of truth. But it is not the primary place your child learns how to walk with Christ. That responsibility belongs to you.
How We Got Here
Somewhere along the way, parents bought into the lie that spiritual authority lives outside the home. Maybe they felt unqualified. Maybe they were too busy. Maybe they thought dropping their kids off at church events counted as leadership.
But God never outsourced discipleship. He commanded it.
And when we outsource what God commands, we lose what God designed.
Reclaiming the Front Line
Faithful parenting in this cultural moment requires more than good intentions. It requires grit, discipline, and constant recalibration.
Here’s where you start.
Prioritize Scripture: Read it aloud. Memorize it together. Let your kids see you in the Word.
Talk about Truth: In the car. Around the dinner table. During the news. Redeem daily moments.
Guard Inputs: Monitor what they watch, who they follow, what influences their thinking.
Model Repentance: Don’t just talk about grace. Demonstrate it when you fall short.
Choose a Church That Equips You: Look for one that feeds you the whole counsel of God—not one that entertains your kids into apostasy.
Equip Your Home with the Truth
To help families reclaim their role as the primary disciplers of their children, I’ve created a foundational resource:
📘 Christianity 101: Foundational Truths for the Family
This guide and workbook walks through essential doctrines of the faith in a way that fathers can lead, children can understand, and families can grow.
📥 Paid subscribers get access to the complete guide.
Free version available here: https://virgilwalker.substack.com/p/christianity-101-foundation-truths
Final Charge
Stop waiting for the church to do what God has called you to do.
The soul of your child is not a community project. It is a sacred trust.
And one day, when they stand before God, they will not be judged by how entertaining their youth group was. They will be judged by whether they knew Christ.
So teach them. Train them. Show them.
Because your living room is a sanctuary.
And your voice is the loudest one they will ever hear.
Make it count.
Virgil, I love your writing, and more importantly, the truth you unashamedly share with us. Our godless culture needs it.
I wonder what you would say to someone like me (and my husband) who did all the things you list in this article. We homeschooled, we kept our kids in church with us instead of sending them to youth group, we read scripture together every morning and night, we talked openly about our faith and answered the hard questions that caused doubt, we took them on mission trips, we fasted and prayed for them and with them, and we sent them to Christian colleges. Still, two of my four grown kids (the girls) have now joined the deconstruction movement and walked away from God. One of them is in a lesbian relationship now. We know a lot of parents in the exact same position as us. It is devastating.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Thank you for your timely words that always lift my head. Blessings to you and your family.
I am probably not your intended reader. I am an observant Jew, not a churchgoer. I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate posts like this one. My husband and I have worked side-by-side with pastors for many years, giving over messages similar to many of yours, such as this one. We say that our mission is to make Jews more Jewish and Christians more Christian.
Your thoughts are so important. Thank you for putting them forth.